How to Start Your Show the Right Way

WARNING: There are a few instances of inappropriate language in this edition.

I’m a huge fan of The Simpsons. Dating back to 1989, it’s been around long enough to be an American institution.

As an animated sitcom with fearless social commentary, it’s also incredibly funny, at least for its first dozen years or so.

One of my favorite episodes revolves around Homer. He’s been tasked with performing stand-up comedy at his boss’, Mr. Burns, birthday party.

His introduction is gold. Mr. Burns’ assistant Mr. Smithers introduces Home thusly:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I regret to inform you that a small dog not unlike Lassie has just been hit and killed in the parking lot. And now, the comedic stylings of Homer Simpson!”

Can you imagine a worse introduction?

Yes. Yes, I can.

One of my worst introductions was for a corporate hypnosis show. Here’s how this dufus introduced me:

“Okay…uh…I guess it’s time for the hypnosis show. This guy is going to make the men drop their trousers and make the ladies take their blouses off and show their boobs. So here we go…”

To the surprise of absolutely no one with at least a functioning brain stem, I had a hard time getting volunteers for that show.

Then there’s this gem:

“Hey everybody, the show’s about to start. So shut the f—k up!”

Now that I think about it, that was my introduction for TWO shows. One in Buffalo, one in Toronto.

But the litany of bad introductions to my shows wasn’t limited to corporate shows.

I was introduced this way by a school principal with a room-temperature IQ for an assembly once:

“Our assembly presenter is here to talk to you today about bullying. It’s important that you don’t bully anyone in school. We take it seriously here. Outside of school, we don’t care what you do.”

That one stunned me so much that my jaw literally dropped open.

The library market is not immune to awful introductions, either. Here’s a beauty:

“We have a magician for you today! Watch closely to see if you can figure out his tricks.”

Ugh. I couldn’t care less about ‘fooling ‘people. It’s about entertainment.

But whenever I get a brain-dead introduction like that, I have to remind myself that most people don’t enjoy public speaking.

Most people also do not go to live theater.

Put those two things together and you get half-wit ramblings like the introductions above.

It drives me absolutely crazy.

All of the above introductions were from at least 15 years ago, long before I smartened up and started providing written introductions to my clients.

A good introduction is important. It sets audience expectations. It focuses the audience’s attention on you.

The best introductions are also short.

I’ve had far too many well-meaning school assembly clients print out essentially everything from the About page on my website and read it to the kids as I’m waiting.

Trouble is, it’s several paragraphs long, And it was never intended to be read as an introduction.

By the time the person introducing me hits the second paragraph, kids are poking each other, chatting, and some are rolling around on the floor making snow angels.

Then I gotta refocus them.

Here’s my current introduction:

“Our assembly presenter today performs over 200 shows a year in schools in 39 states in the U.S. and parts of Canada. His show is called [NAME OF SHOW] and is a lot of fun with some very important messages. Let’s all welcome my new friend, Cris Johnson!”

It’s fast, establishes a bit of credibility with kids in ways they can relate to, and starts the show off fast.

I also add in the “my new friend” as a way to tie myself a bit to the person introducing me, usually a person in an authoritative position, like the principal.

Candidly, that bit is not mine. I can’t remember where I got it, so I apologize to whoever told me that part.

I now send that introduction to my school client a few days before the show as part of my automation sequence.

I’d say around 65% of the time, they will print out the introduction and use it.

The rest of the time, the principal (or whoever) will wing it. These days, people in schools seem to be far more effective at winging it.

They’ll focus more on the rules – keeping quiet, listening, etc.

Then they’ll turn toward my Lefler table to steal a quick peek at my name and quickly introduce me.

I can handle that.

Other times, the person introducing me will ask me, “How do you like to be introduced?”

I simply say, “Something very short, like ‘Here’s our assembly presenter Cris Johnson. Today he has a fun show with some very important messages.’”

This always surprises them, as they expect some long-winded thing that puffs up the ego of the performer.

Me? I know my audience. And they want to just get to it.

I suspect other audiences are the same.

Creating a prepared, written introduction isn’t hard. Just a few short sentences. Maybe a credibility indicator or two. Like this:

“Our performer this evening has been in multiple television shows and movies, including Legally Blonde and Seinfeld. Please welcome Coy Duke.”

I changed the entertainer’s name, but the above credibility indicators are real ones for a gifted performer I know.

See? Short and sweet.

If you do decide to provide a written introduction to your client, here are a few key details:

• Print the introduction in at LEAST 16-point size. Make it easier to read that sucker in low light, bad eyesight…or beer goggles.
• SHORT! One or two quick credibility indicators appropriate for the market.
• If you have a name people have trouble pronouncing, spell it phonetically.

I send my intro along as part of my automation sequence to my client’s email. But a great pro tip is to carry your intro with you on stiff card stock or have it laminated.

A quick, simple introduction is the easiest, best way to get your show started on the right foot.

Have a great week!

--Cris

 
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