Fewer Words Equal Bigger Impact

I love the show Parks and Recreation.

Known affectionately as Parks and Rec by its fans, it’s a workplace sitcom starring Amy Poehler.

It’s about a group of workers at a park and recreation department in the fictional town of Pawnee, IN.

It’s one of the most hilarious shows I’ve ever seen, mostly due to its stellar scripting. The beauty of its scripting is its efficiency.

In one episode, the workers gather at a friend’s house for a dinner party. Poehler’s character, Leslie, warns new resident Ben to avoid one individual.

The camera pans to show the individual, a stoic, dressed-in-black Goth twenty-something.

That’s the setup. Several minutes later, Ben is shown having a conversation with the Goth guy.

The scene starts mid-conversation as Ben says to Goth guy, “No, I don’t know when I’m going to die…wait, are you asking me or telling me?”

Absolutely hilarious. And so efficient!

There was no need to cut into this conversation any sooner. There was no need to have Goth guy say anything.

And the whole joke was beautifully set up minutes earlier, with a simple comment from Leslie.

Crucially and most impressively, the show’s writers trust that the viewer will pick up the thread several minutes later, with only that brief setup to make that joke land.

Perfect scripting.

The lesson here is efficiency. I certainly don’t have the space in this newsletter to give any meaningful advice on writing comedy.

But efficiency? Yeah, let’s talk about it.

Eugene Burger used to write about removing as many unneeded words as possible from his scripts.

It’s good advice, but I like to add some context.

Cut out the unneeded words that don’t add anything to the show.

And I’m not talking about the “umms,” “you knows,” and words like that people say when they are trying to fill the air while they think of what they’re going to say next.

Of course, you should strive to cut those out, too. But let’s go deeper.

There was a magician (sadly passed away) who, in many of his performances, would say, “And here’s what we’re going to do…” He’d say it over and over in multiple routines.

I loved the guy. But that verbal ‘tic’ drove me nuts whenever I’d see him perform.

I’ll give you an example of a routine (actually, routines) from my own work.

In many of my shows, I have a volunteer pick a card. (I know…you’re shocked.)

I used to say, “I’m going to have you pick a card. I’m going to riffle through the deck like this--” (I’d demonstrate) “—and you’re going to tell me when to stop. Then you’ll take your card. Okay?”

I didn’t trust my volunteers, kids mostly, to understand my instructions. So I’d over-explain it.

Eventually, after an embarrassingly long time, I learned kids are more savvy than I was giving them credit for.

I shortened my script to: “You’re going to pick a card. Here, tell me when to stop.” Then I start rifling. The kid says “stop,” and we’re done.

Short. Simple. Efficient.

I cut out a lot of unneeded words.

Words that didn’t contribute to the jokes, messages, or important parts of the show.

I love cutting out words from the most boring parts of the show: the process.

Here’s an example from David Copperfield.

During one of his specials, David was getting tied up to go into a spirit cabinet.

As he was being tied up, he explained to the audience, “I’ll be the medium, the go-between our world and the spirit world.”

Beautifully efficient scripting.

Rather than go into a long, drawn-out explanation of mediums and spiritualism, that simple script set the stage perfectly.

But you can cut words out of jokes, too, to help them land better.

(I know I said earlier I wouldn’t have space to give meaningful advice on writing comedy. But this isn’t writing advice. It’s editing advice.)

Are there words you can cut out of your jokes to help them land better and faster?

Here’s an example from one of my favorite scripts I ever wrote. It’s from my Arm Chopper routine in my book, Cause & Effects Volume 2.

During my Arm Chopper routine, I have several jokes throughout, none of which are the standard ‘hack’ lines from other routines.

They are, to the best of my knowledge, original with me. (And if someone else can lay claim to them, it’s a case of independent creation.)

Let’s skip to the part of the routine where the kid has his arm in the chopper. I then ask him, “Do you know what an attorney is?”

Usually, the kid says, “No.”

I then happily say, “Good!”

Big laugh from the adults.

The subtext of that question is all we need for a good laugh.

Before putting the kid’s hand inside it, I have demonstrated that the chopper is real.

Now the kid’s arm is in the thing.

I’m apparently just now realizing that if this goes sideways, I could be sued. Hence the question.

Best of all, the joke is completely motivated. I literally have to do nothing else or, more importantly, say anything else to set that joke up.

Short. Simple. Efficient.

Your homework assignment this week:

1. Look at your scripts. (You do have scripts, right?)
2. Look for any unneeded words to cut. (You’ll probably find the most words to cut during the processes of setting up effects.)

Fewer words equals more impact.

Be sure to check out Cause & Effects Volume 2 for some great comedy scripts.

Have a great week!

--Cris

 
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