What George Burns Taught Me About Performing

“And now I shall send my new minions into the world, spreading lies about the dangers of cholesterol. Muhwahaha!” I said gleefully.

The two women before me laughed, shaking their heads.

We were joking around with each other after my afternoon performance of my reading assembly program.

A couple of weeks ago, one of the area’s Board members brought up concerns about my show at a meeting.

She alleged I was going to ‘hypnotize’ their children to do evil things.

Compounding things, another member of the community contacted me, warning me of what was going on.

When I arrived at the school, my client said, “She’s f—ing crazy.”

Then she showed me the newspaper article written about me and the Board member’s concerns.

If you blow it up, you can read the entire thing.

After I was finished setting up, I approached the Board member and assured her, with a smirk on my face, that “I won’t be doing anything dangerous to the kids during the show.”

She laughed, hugged me, and assured me everything was fine.

The show went great, and I even ad-libbed a few more new educational lines into routines I had been performing for nearly 20 years.

Once the show was over, the Board member, my client, and I all shared a laugh about the supposed “controversy.”

That’s when I made the crack about sending the kids off to do my evil bidding.

I share this story with you because, at some point, you might run into something similar.

There are certain people out in the world looking to stir up trouble with this kind of nonsense.

Before I go any further, I want to make my views very clear.

I don’t think these people are on the ‘far right.’

I don’t think these people are on the ‘far left.’

I don’t think these people represent any particular religion as a whole.

Anybody who knows me on a personal level knows I’m not religious.

But I respect people’s right to practice their religion.

I have religious friends (some of whom are reading this) that I deeply respect and care about.

(Seriously, BC, if you’re reading this, I love you man. You’re awesome.)

So to me, this is not a religious thing, even though some of these knuckleheads may try using religion to justify their wackiness.

I’ve run into these “magic is evil” kinds of people several times throughout my career.

I just think they are misguided folks, likely with some mental health issues.

I mean, seriously, if you think sponge balls and rope tricks are the work of the devil, well, my opinion of you is I don’t want to be your friend.

And I’m certainly not going to give such foolish, idiotic views any more oxygen than necessary.

As I said, you might run into this too. Or maybe you already have.

But there’s a simple question you need to ask yourself.

How are you going to handle it if you run into one of these ‘brimstone and fire’ folks who want to condemn you to hell for your prowess with French Drops?

As you might imagine since you’re reading this newsletter, I’ve got a few opinions.

First, don’t get scared.

In the past, years ago, other magicians I knew were terrified when this kind of stuff happened.

They were afraid their careers would be over.

Look at it this way: people who buy into the idea that all magic is evil are never going to hire you.

And the rest of the population who hears their venting might investigate you and think, “Okay, this is ridiculous. And this person looks perfect for our next event…”

That means free publicity.

A few years ago, I was booked by a local library to perform my “Psychics & Seances” show. It’s a historical show about famous mediums and psychics from the past.

I talk about Daniel Douglas Home, the Fox Sisters, Uri Gellar, and others.

Wouldn’t you know it, two days before my show, someone from the library called me.

They nervously asked, “You’re not going to summon the dead, are you?”

I laughed and assured them I wouldn’t be summoning the dead.

They’d received phone calls from ‘concerned citizens’ and felt the need to reach out.

I was hoping for sign-wielding, pitchfork-carrying hordes of protesters when I arrived at the show.

But alas, everything was calm and quiet.

No free publicity for me.

At least for that show, I could understand a bit of outrage. After all, I did have the word ‘seances’ in the title.

But most of you reading this don’t do anything like that.

Let’s get back to handling things when some of these outlier folks make a stink.

Don’t be scared. Covered that.

Next, don’t be mad.

No good comes from getting mad.

I know plenty of magicians who have gotten really upset by it.

It’s not worth the mental energy you’ll expend. Trust me.

Third, don’t engage.

Some people think that if they just sat down with some of these nutjobs, they could reason with them and show them they are just using tricks.

Again, I’ve heard of other magicians trying that. It never ends well.

These misguided fools tend to say things like, “Yeah, right now you’re showing me tricks, but when you’re REALLY doing your evil...”

You just can’t argue with them.

Finally, laugh it off. Really.

I think the newspaper article at the top of this issue is absolutely hilarious.

I’m hoping and praying for torch-bearing mobs of protesters when I return to the school.

As you can tell from this article, I’ve had fun at these folks’ expense, referring to them as nutjobs and such.

I’m going to be serious for a moment.

I do think many of these people have serious issues to think what we do is evil.

I feel sorry for them. I really do.

I can’t imagine what it’s like going through life terrified of something so innocent as magic.

But it’s not my job to try to change their minds. I don’t have time and even if I did, it would be futile.

Beliefs are the hardest thing to shift in a person’s mind.

Instead, I crack a few jokes. It helps me cope. Otherwise I might actually let them get under my skin.

I’m only on this earth for a short time, like all of us.

I’m getting too old to engage with people who want to tear down what I’ve built my career on.

I’m just going to do my thing and spread wonder.

I encourage you to do the same.

Have a great week!

--Cris

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