What If a Child Cries at a Show?

“I’m so sorry,” I said to the sobbing child, rubbing his shoulders. “I never intended to scare anyone.”

I had just finished my ‘I Love to Read’ assembly. My normal closing effect, Losander’s Floating Table, was replaced today by Sean Bogunia’s Extreme Hanky.

If you’re not familiar with the effect, it’s amazing. You show a large clear plastic bottle, the kind you might see at a water cooler. You drop a hanky into the bottle and trap it with a cork.

Suddenly, the hanky jumps about in the bottle. It’s incredible.

The best part? You can carry the bottle into the audience, with the hanky dancing away the entire time.

When I do it, I run along the perimeter of the audience and then down the middle aisle, trying to let as many kids see the hanky dancing up close as possible.

It’s charming, magical, and a lot of fun.

But I never expected it to scare anyone. Especially a third grader.

I’ve had very young kids cry during my show. During my science show, I use Bruce Kavlar’s Shrinking/Growing Head.

Occasionally, when I announce someone’s head will get bigger, I’ve had some five-year-olds freak and cry.

I’m guessing they are afraid my head will blow up and pop like something out of the delightfully demented “Itchy & Scratchy” shorts on “The Simpsons.”

When I was first starting out, I had a few teachers give me negative reviews because my Rocky Raccoon frightened a few special needs kids.

But the worst was at a daycare.

I had just wheeled my Lefler table into my designated performing area…which just so happened to be the room where the two-year-olds were.

They took one look at me, a stranger in their room, and immediately started wailing and screaming.

I hadn’t done or said anything yet.

These kids were crying simply because I was there.

Kids crying at shows will happen from time to time.

The third grader crying during the hanky routine really affected me. Mostly because he had his head down and was trying not to get noticed.

So of course one of his classmates raises his hand and tells me all about it as I’m delivering my closing remarks.

As soon as I turned things back over to the teachers, I turned my mic off and went to the kid in question.

That’s when I did my best to comfort him and try to make him feel better. By the time his class stood up and started to leave the gym, he looked fine.

In hindsight, I wish I had brought him up on stage, gone to the backstage area (with his teacher of course), and showed him how the trick worked.

Would that have made things better? I don’t know. But this experience motivated me to address this topic in this week’s newsletter.

As I said, kids will cry during your show from time to time. And I’ve got a few tips to keep in mind when it happens.

• First, remain calm.

You’re the professional. The audience will take their lead from how you react. If you fall to pieces because a child cries, it could have a ripple effect through your entire audience.

So, stay calm.

• NEVER laugh it off

When a kid cries when they see the drawing’s eyes move as in the Axtell board for example, it may be so shocking they just can’t help themselves.

To a grownup, that may seem silly. But to loudly say, “Oh, it’s no big deal! There’s nothing scary!” may feel to the child that you’re trying to invalidate their feelings.

Here’s the reality.

I don’t know this child. Maybe he cries at the drop of a hat. Maybe he cries because of some psychological or physiological problem.

I don’t know either way. So I’m going to handle the situation discreetly and delicately.

• If a kid cries in the audience, don’t draw attention to it.

If you draw everyone’s attention to the crying child, it could have disastrous effects on the child’s feelings.

This may cause them to feel embarrassed because they feel everyone is watching them.

The exception is a preschooler or a kindergarten child. In my experience, if they are crying, they are not embarrassed by it and just want comfort.

So if I see a very young child crying in the audience, I’ll use my eyes to catch the attention of a teacher to deal with it.

• If a volunteer child looks like they are going to cry, politely dismiss them.

Many times, kids think they want to volunteer during a show. But once they are onstage, they freak out. It’s easy to understand a child freaking out at an assembly.

They come onstage and look out to suddenly see 300 or so pairs of eyes watching them. They feel overwhelmed and start to cry.

If I see this, I’ll immediately turn off my mic and ask the child, “Do you want to sit down?” Usually in these cases, they will tearfully nod their heads.

I’ll then guide them gently to the stairs or back to their spot on the gym floor, whatever.

Then I’ll turn my mic back on and simply say, “She decided she would rather watch the show from her seat and that’s great. Give her a big clap!”

My goal is to make every interaction with my show as possible as I can. Which leads me to my final point…

• NEVER cajole a child into staying if they’re not having fun.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve had the birthday child become frightened when I got ready to float them in the air.

Mom or Dad usually tries to convince them to hold in place while the scary stranger (me) gets ready to do something with them that should be impossible.

Nope.

After I came to my senses, I started telling birthday parents before the show that I would not force their children to do anything.

I didn’t care if the parents had paid extra for the floating effect. It’s not worth it to frighten the child.

Forcing the child to do something that scares them could have serious consequences psychologically in the future.

So, if a child cries during your show, remain calm and react with compassion to that child.

Have a great week!

--Cris

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